San Francisco Bay Area therapy for immigrants, and children of immigrants
Anny Papatheodorou, LMFT
Therapy offerings for adults in Walnut Creek, Oakland, and available online throughout California
Welcome, and I’m so glad you’re here.
As an immigrant from Greece with ancestral roots in Anatolia, my commitment is fueled by a deep passion for serving fellow immigrants and addressing the intricacies of cross-cultural dynamics.
Having undergone the naturalization process in the United States, I intimately understand the complexities of expanding one's horizons while striving to preserve a meaningful connection to one's cultural heritage.
My approach is characterized by cultural humility and affirmation. I am dedicated to working with you through a lens that respects and acknowledges the cultural nuances at play, providing guidance and support as you navigate the challenges inherent in these dynamic experiences.
Counseling for first-generation immigrants
First-generation immigrant experience
As immigrants, we often leave our home country in pursuit of better opportunities, and to fulfill our dreams. We may also be escaping harsh realities, such as an economic collapse back home, or even life-threatening and traumatic events such as societal conflict, oppression, and war.
Immigrants endure significant behavioral and emotional changes as a result of engaging with and adjusting to a new culture's beliefs, values, and practices. Acculturation is the term commonly used for this process.
I know firsthand how difficult the immigration process can be: separation from family, changes in customs and traditions, socioeconomic status, exposure to a new physical environment, and the need to function in unknown and uncertain environments.
First-generation immigrant struggles
Being a first or second-generation immigrant, you have the unique experience of living life through the lens of multiple cultures. When you find yourself in a new country or environment, it is natural to feel confused or that you simply do not belong. Indeed, fusing your ethnic identity with a new culture can be ridden with challenges.
You may be experiencing some of the following:
Guilt over forsaking parts of your identity, and/or feeling like you are turning your back on your own culture.
Perhaps you find yourself frustrated because you are being put in an ethnic or racial box that does not feel natural to you.
Perhaps you are feeling confused about how to move through life due to your immigration status and cannot find your place in society.
It may be that your heart is torn between two places, and neither feels 100% like home.
You may be balancing the stressors of migrating to a new country, while also trying to maintain close ties with family back home.
You might be suffering from an emotionally difficult separation from country and family upon arriving in the U.S.
Common barriers to seeking counseling
The process of obtaining citizenship, obtaining legal residency, and much of the rhetoric surrounding immigration may be stressful. Moreover, despite the fact that immigrants encounter specific stresses that might lead to mental health issues, research suggests that they are less likely to seek treatment.
Reasons why this is the case may be some of the following:
In my culture growing up, “therapy was for crazy people.” This perception is prevalent in many different cultures and can be a barrier for immigrants to seek the help they need and deserve.
Also in many cultures, including my own, there is a lot of emphasis on “what others will think.” “What happens in this home, stays in this home,” my grandmother used to say. This leads to a lot of reluctance since even if no one else is judging, people with this mindset judge themselves.
Needless to say, preoccupation with the family’s reputation, and other cultural norms, can lead to people ignoring their mental health needs. Yet, it can be just as detrimental to ignore your mental health as it is to ignore your physical health.
Here’s the good news: therapy is confidential. Unless someone is a threat to themselves or others, whatever is shared with a therapist is legally protected by law.
How therapy for first-generation immigrants can help
Balancing nostalgia, supporting loved ones, walking within diverse cultures, and finding out how best to live within each one, are just some of the challenges immigrant counseling can assist you with.
More specifically, therapy can help you find your way with any of the following:
Integrate your past, future, and present: we can begin to unburden the emotional, physical, and spiritual impact through exploring your path, and understanding at a deep psychological level the multifaceted impact your journey has had on you.
Help foster the life that you want and deserve: explore the extent to which you desire to adapt to new customs, as well as the extent you wish to upkeep or reclaim your ancestral cultural identity.
Provide you with the space to process and unburden from any experiences of discrimination and othering you may have experienced.
Process and heal from multiple traumas that are tied to your immigration experience, as well as from intergenerational patterns that have been passed down from ancestors.
Aid you in re-establishing spiritual and religious community support networks to the extent that you need and want it.
Therapy for second generation immigrants
You can respect your family, and still honor your authenticity
"My family sacrificed everything so that I can have this life. It’s ungrateful to not do my best, even though there’s a ton of pressure.”
“I understand that they just want me to live the best life possible, but if only they would allow me to decide what that life looks like for myself.”
“It’s as if I have to have one identity with my family, and a completely different persona in the outside world. It’s as if I have to rejecting parts of who I am.”
If any of the above statements struck a chord, please read on.
Second-generation immigrant struggles
Academic life. Education. Career. Relationships and dating. Family. Independence. Loyalty. Tradition. These values hold significance for you.
As a child of immigrants, you may be experiencing the unique circumstance of having the freedom to select qualities, behaviors, and norms from both cultures - the one your parents came from, and the societal culture you are growing up in.
What is also a reality is the fact that this freedom to pick is accompanied by the isolating reminder that often it feels as if you don’t belong in either culture. You start to feel like an outsider to your family. And you don’t seamlessly fit in among your peers either.
This cultural conundrum, especially among teens and young adults, can gradually bring about an identity crisis. You already face questions about who you are and who you want to be; the cultural component can further complicate this inner quest for self-discovery.
For instance, in my culture, academic and professional achievements are paramount. Parents often find themselves comparing their children’s accomplishments to another relative’s child. So, along the way, we may have internalized the belief that love is conditional on meeting achievements and expectations.
Parentification is another frequent struggle for children of immigrant parents. In a way, you may feel responsible for helping your parents adjust to the realities of a new culture, especially when there is a language barrier. You have been forced to grow up faster than your peers.
Another common belief you might have is that your own struggles pale in comparison to what your parents faced throughout their lives. This is especially true if they left their native countries with a few if any, comforts. As a consequence, you end up minimizing your own suffering or have had your own experiences invalidated by your own families. This can foster feelings of shame and guilt, which are often the underlying forces that lead to depression, anxiety, and substance.
It doesn’t have to be this way, and you don’t have to face all this by yourself.
How can counseling help you as a second-generation immigrant?
It can be hard for someone unfamiliar with collectivist cultural values to innately understand that their suggestions or encouragements are not helpful. For example, I’ve heard in my own therapist things like, “If you don’t want your parents to stay with you over the holidays, you can find them a hotel.” Or “tell your mom to mind her own business.” That’s not how my culture works. To be presented with that as an apparent choice by a therapist can feel alienating and shaming, even though the intention is pure.
These cultural nuances that are deeply ingrained can be difficult to grasp. There are different expectations about behaviors, rituals, and norms that our families instill in us. I know this because I have experienced it myself. A prime example is how many people from collectivist cultures regard seeing a therapist as something only “crazy people do.” This paradigm is hopefully shifting with time, and at the same time, it is very much alive in my country of origin.
Applying a purely Western approach to therapy without any adaptations and respect for cultural differences can be harmful to the individual seeking therapy. Unfortunately, we can even encounter internalized and/or systemic racism manifest in the therapeutic setting, along with microaggressions and stereotyping, making it a difficult arena for many to navigate.
A therapeutic approach centered on cultural sensitivity, in which a person's origin, ethnicity, and belief system are acknowledged and honored, can provide a meeting point between these two worlds of individualistic and collectivist principles.
You can respect your family, and still be true to yourself.
You can negotiate boundaries that honor your own needs, without erasing your ancestry and heritage.
You can find a therapist who won’t diagnose your culture as the reason for your anxiety and/or depression.
And you don’t have to figure this all out by yourself - let’s talk!
Financial barriers, privacy concerns, and social stigma tend to get in the way of seeking counseling.
Whether you're looking for counseling yourself, or trying to convince a loved one to reach out, help is within reach.
Welcome! I’m Anny.
I'm a licensed psychotherapist certified in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and trained in Brainspotting therapy. Not to mention a fantasy novel nerd, human and dog mother, and feta cheese aficionado.
I know in my bones what it is like to come from a challenging and painful background. As a relational trauma therapist, I have the honor of helping people heal their childhood wounds so that they create lives full of possibility and choice.
In our work together, I bring my full Self, meaning I'm right there with you every step of the way. I'm not a "blank slate" and will offer reflections and personal examples that may shed some light on your experiences, moments of "stuckness," and isolation.
I can hold intensity. There's no such thing as "being too much or too needy." I will laugh with you. I will curse with you. And welcome all parts of you wholeheartedly.