The Healing Power of Sharing Our Stories
“If old wounds are not healed before we take a mental approach to training the mind, the feeling monsters in the basement will forever be clawing on the cellar door, even as we smile and lean against the latch. This is repression of emotions, rather than the yoga of transforming the emotions. When people try the "spiritual bypass" route to accomplish emotional healing, it is generally both incomplete and unsatisfying. We cannot wish old feelings away nor do spiritual exercises for overcoming them until we have woven a healing story that transforms our previous life's experience and gives meaning to whatever pain we have endured.”
- Joan Borysenko from Pocketful of Miracles
Artwork by Comfreak on Pixabay
Overcoming Shame, Finding Connection, and Rediscovering Our Authentic Selves.
Sharing our painful stories, which have taken a toll on our very being and robbed us of pieces of our soul's DNA, can be an overwhelming and daunting task. Many of us require a safe space to share these stories, a place where we can feel brave enough to show our vulnerability. It can be intimidating to reveal our underbelly, especially since we have invested so much emotional energy into protecting it. However, deep within us lies a primal need to share stories that shape and transform us, stories that call us to transcend our current state of being, just as our ancestors did through storytelling.
“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.” - Brené Brown
One of the most difficult and painful stories to share is one rooted in shame. Shame is a primal and raw emotion that is embedded in our earliest experiences, and it can be one of the most challenging emotions to work with. When we tell our shame-based stories, we shed our false personas and expose our deepest wounds, bringing to light the murkiest realms of our souls.
Yet, for many of us, sharing our stories in the presence of a compassionate and attentive listener can be a transformative and restorative experience. Through sharing, we realize that we are not alone and deserve to be heard and unburdened. Most importantly, our souls deserve to rest. Both as storytellers and listeners, we can find comfort and solace in our shared humanity. As Kristin Neff teaches, sharing our truth allows us to break down the illusion of separateness, reengage with life, and find meaning and purpose.
We’re wired for story. In a culture of scarcity and perfectionism, there’s a surprisingly simple reason we want to own, integrate, and share our stories of struggle. We do this because we feel the most alive when we’re connecting with others and being brave with our stories—it’s in our biology. - Brené Brown
It is crucial to note that, as listeners, our role is not to change the storyteller's story in any way. Instead, our job is to hold space for the storyteller, allowing them to bring to light their experiences and rediscover their innate healing wisdom and connection to themselves and the world around them. It is a surrendering process, where through our stories, we can begin to break free from the bonds of shame and guilt and remember who we are at our core. Sharing our stories enables us to experience life from our authentic Selves and connect more deeply with those around us.
Unlearning the Message of Unlovability: Reclaiming Our Self-Worth
"The most dangerous stories we make up are the narratives that diminish our inherent worthiness. We must reclaim the truth about our lovability, divinity, and creativity." - Brené Brown
Many of us have experienced painful events such as divorces, heartbreaks, betrayals, and emotional distance from our loved ones. These experiences may have occurred within our families, peer groups, schools, workplaces, and relationships, and they can leave us feeling like we are not deserving of love. The most challenging realization, however, is recognizing that we struggle to love ourselves just as we are because we have internalized the belief that we are unlovable.
As Brené Brown so eloquently said:
“Just because someone isn’t willing or able to love us, it doesn’t mean that we are unlovable.”
While we may understand this concept on an intellectual level, it can be challenging to embrace it. This is often because we have been raised within a system (such as a family system, school system, peer system, or work system) where shame is pervasive.
For example, in school, many of us have experienced incidents of shaming, whether big or small, which can significantly impact our lives. As children, teenagers, or young adults, these incidents can shape how we perceive our natural abilities and potential for creativity. Perhaps we were told that we were not good at math, art, dance, or writing or that we were too sensitive, slow, or loud. These messages can be so powerful that they inhibit us from recognizing our unique gifts and talents and prevent us from being true to ourselves.
However, just because we do not meet certain self-imposed or external expectations, it does not mean that we lack inherent talents and gifts. When our parents, teachers, lovers, partners, friends, or siblings fail to recognize and appreciate our creative worth, it does not mean our worth does not exist. We can learn to embrace and love ourselves, recognizing our inherent values and unique talents, regardless of external validation or criticism.
Uncovering Archetypal Patterns for Personal Growth and Healing
“After nourishment, shelter and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world” - Phillip Pullman
Storytelling has been a fundamental aspect of human culture for thousands of years. Before the written word, stories were passed down generationally through songs and epic poems. They helped us make sense of our place in the world and provided hope in our daily lives. Nowadays, stories are often seen as mere distractions, but the truth is that they have real influence, and the stories we choose to tell ourselves matter.
Storytelling can be highly therapeutic, especially for those experiencing challenges and transitions. In therapy, we can share stories through various mediums like art, writing, symbolism, and imagery. Through these stories, we gain insight that leads to meaningful shifts in our lives.
Our words have immense power. We can build ourselves up or tear ourselves down with the narratives we tell ourselves. With our words, we can influence someone's life, our own life, and even the world around us.
"Psychology is ultimately mythology, the study of the stories of the soul." - James Hillman
Our lives themselves are stories that follow the archetypal path of the hero's journey. We meet epic challenges, demonstrate colossal courage, and sacrifice for others. Viewing our lives as stories allows us to gain wisdom passed down through generations and uncover patterns in our lives. We can shift harmful patterns and strengthen those guiding us in our healing.
Exploring our present, past, and future stories in therapy can reframe harmful narratives, transmute limitations into strengths, rediscover idle talents, and restore meaning in our lives.
What's your soul-story? Is there a personal myth you resonate with that sheds light on the archetypal patterns in your life? With the power of storytelling, we can all gain insights that lead to a fuller and more meaningful life.
No story is too insignificant, unimportant, too broken, too late, or not worth telling.
Your story matters. It deserves to be told.
You matter. You deserve to be heard.
Warmly,
Anny
Kindly note: The information included in this blog is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for mental health services. Please consult with a qualified professional to determine the appropriateness of the information for your own life experiences or if you have any questions.
